I’m the type of person that tells someone to fight for what they believe in, while I give up on what I believe in. I’ve given up so many times that’s it’s hard to find my footing. It’s hard to find solid ground and what I used to believe in.
I’m the type of person who will give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it but will shut down and lock myself in a room and cry by myself because I do not want to put my burden on you.
I’m the type of person that loves unconditionally and tries to find the good in everyone, even when you blamed me for my brother’s death. Even though he died of cancer, you told me it was my fault and that he probably wanted to die anyway because I was a horrible sister that he didn’t want to be around. When you said that I still kept you around as my friend because I want to protect everyone in my life and I didn’t want to lose any more people.
I’m the type of person that hates losing loved ones but will shut you out when I feel like your going to hurt me. And once you hurt me, I tend to distance myself from you while that pain of emptiness widens, whether you’re a family or friend.
I’m the type of person that wants to see you happy all the time but rather to dwell on the past and darken my sunny days because I feel like I don’t deserve sunny days.
I’m the type of person that tells you to forgive but I can’t forgive myself. It’s been 11 years and counting since my brother died and I cant forgive myself because I wasn’t able to save him. I was his big sister, I was supposed to be his protector but yet I failed him.
I’m the type of person that tells you to live your life to the fullest, while I sit every day wondering how I’m going to die or when death will come knocking at my door.
I’m the type of person that dreams and wishes with all her heart but at the same time crushes those dreams and throw them out.
I’m the type of person that has a thousand words to say but never says them. Instead, shutting them inside while they eat me out inside because they want to be heard.
I’m the type of person who will tell you to speak your mind but can’t speak when it’s my turn. I’m better at expressing myself on paper than I am verbally expressing myself.
I’m the type of person people see and pass because she doesn’t seem extraordinary. She’s just simple, plain and a nobody.
I’m the type of person that wishes she could be just the touch of everything everyone needs but can’t be enough for herself.
I’m the type of person that that just hopes she can someday love herself and see perfection in herself.
I’m the type of person that just wants to live and be enough.
I’m just that type of person.