I know it’s a little too late for a new year’s resolution but I saw a few today and realized I’ve never done one. I’ve never planned what I wanted to do for a year or plan ahead for a few milestones that would make a world of a difference when I achieve it. So I decided to make one. It’s not too late, right? It’s still early in the year. So here goes:
My New Year’s Resolution
- Get a degree in anything really. I had started college but had to stop because I didn’t have the funds to continue. I still don’t but life goes on. My mom had 10 children, I’m the 8th, the 9th died and the 10th is who I need to prove that there is more out there. I’m the first in college, and the first that was on her way to being an undergrad but they just didn’t have it. I somehow feel like I failed them.
- Write anything and everything every day. Sometimes I sit down to write and I just feel like I’m not good enough. Why should anyone want to read what I write or listen to my thoughts when I’m a nobody?
- Make myself my top priority. I keep placing everyone’s needs before. when I’m ill I brush it off to be there for everyone but one day it’s going to be too late to take care of myself. I need to do what is best for me and in my best interest.
- Finish my collection of self-harm poems and morals. This was something I started after I had a friend who tried to kill herself. It made me so upset that I just wrote down what I was feeling. Then time passed by where I wanted to feel what she felt and I did so I started writing it down. then after each poem, I’d list an upside to it, a reason to keep going, a reason to fight on and that it’s okay to sometimes relapse.
- Work on my sex-trafficking novel. This one I’ll keep a secret for now because somehow it’s special to me. It’s like all of my pain is bottled up in this book and is forming something extraordinary.
- Become more vocal. Speak my mind and always be honest with myself. Even try the spoken word thing even though I know my voice is horrible.
- To remember that I came from somewhere and that I have somewhere to go. I was never meant to be stuck in one place.
- Publish, either through self-publishing or traditional but publish. I know it’s not for everyone but I’ll never know unless I try.
This is a new year and a new day so I will start living like it. It’s not going to be a new me, it’s going to be the same old me with just minor improvements. It’s time for me to be happy.