Tell Me I’m Beautiful

Tell me I’m precious like the expensive jewelry you always tend to keep safe. Tell me you love me so that I don’t have to wonder where your heart truly lies. Tell me you need me so I feel like I belong instead of unwanted. Tell me you’ll be there even on my darkest days because I get depressed a lot and need a friendly face. Tell me you understand that I need time during those days instead of saying that you don’t care. Tell me I’m beautiful so I can see the beauty in me.

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I’m here

I'm sorry I've been gone for so long. My husband decided to start his own business, will 2 to be exact a home improvement company and an electric. Being the "supportive" person I am, I have been tagging along with him to help him out. I haven't gotten electrocuted so that is a plus but I have gotten a few scrapes here and there. Honestly, it was a lot of fun spending those days with him as he worked. 

Found

There are times we lose ourselves in the process of trying to fit in and please everyone. There are times we lose ourselves when we try to change who we truly are.  Then there are times when we lose ourselves just because we do not know who we are. Lost in a world where everyone is mainly focused on themselves, only a few are willing to lend you a hand on your journey. But sometimes even those that we think are genuine, are leeches behind screens, sucking you dry as you move along.

When

Ever had that one guy or girl that you just cannot get over? You sit and watch them move on, love again, find a new partner and be happy, while you are there sitting, watching and hurting.

New Year

I know it's a little too late for a new year's resolution but I saw a few today and realised I've never done one. I've never planned what I wanted to do for a year or plan ahead for a few milestones that would make a world of a difference when I achieve it. So I decided to make one. It's not too late, right? It's still early in the year. So here goes: My New Year's Resolution 1.Get a degree in anything really. I had started college in 2015 but had to stop in 2017 because I didn't have the funds to continue. I still don't but life goes on. My mom had 10 children, I'm the 8th, the 9th died and the 10th is who I need to prove that there is more out there. I'm the first in college, and the first that was on her way to being an undergrad but they just didn't have it. I somehow feel like I failed them. 

I’m the type of person

I'm the type of person that tells you to forgive but I can't forgive myself. It's been 11 years and counting since my brother died and I cant forgive myself because I wasn't able to save him. I was his big sister I was supposed to be his protector but yet I failed him.

She’s waiting for death

She’s tired of faking laughs and faking smiles to seem half okay when all she is, is gone. So far gone that she's dead, so freaking dead that the only thing that keeps her alive is the sound of her dead brother's voice and his image but now she doesn't remember any of it so she's denigrating. There’s no one to save her and she can't even save herself, so she waits for death to realize its mistake. She waits for death to undo it, undo its mistake or give her a chance to hear her sweet brother’s voice again and remember what he looks like. She waits because that's all that’s left to do.